Differences

This shows you the differences between two versions of the page.

--- wicked_wuxia:start [2015/12/05 14:04]
dm All around edits and additions.
+++ wicked_wuxia:start [2016/01/21 17:20] (current)
leto [Leto]
@@ Line 3: / Line 3: @@
 A lunchbreak roleplaying game, based on the [[http://nightskygames.com/welcome/game/InAWickedAge|In a Wicked Age]] system((If you like, you can go there and spend $10 for the guilt free version)), using the Wuxia Oracle from [[http://www.random-generator.com/index.php?title=In_a_Wicked_Age|Abulafia]], and quickly turning into a full blown soap opera.
-The current chapter takes place a decade after [[Rise of the Bandit]], in the monastery of the Five Winds, where things have changed quite a bit.
+The current chapter takes place a couple of years after [[Run of the Bandit]] and half a continent away, with [[#Leto|Leto's]] return to his old home town.
 ===== Protagonist =====
@@ Line 11: / Line 10: @@
 ==== Leto ====
-{{170131433_feae0d6a51.jpg?300 |Maybe get a more current picture?}}
+{{:wicked_wuxia:chiru.jpg?200 |Rejuvinated}}
-Once the ruthless leader of a gang of outlaws, now the beloved Sensei Supreme to an order of warrior ascetics.
+Once the ruthless leader of a gang of outlaws, then the beloved Sensei Supreme to an order of warrior ascetics, and then... Who knows.
 <WRAP column 20%>
-|cov|8|
+|cov|8 |
-|dir|0|
+|dir|10|
 |slf|12|
-|oth|6|
+|oth|6 |
-|lov|4|
+|lov|4 |
-|vio|6|
+|vio|6 |
 </WRAP>
 __Bolt__: With violence, potent. He just runs real fast.
-__Firewall__: With violence, far reaching. The pages of an ancient Grimoire have become embedded in his skin, giving a nasty shock to anything that makes contact with it. //...the enraged Imogen tries to stick her fiery claws into his back and pierce his heart with her demonic torture-aura, but alas… Leto's back is protected by one powerful stolen grimoire, and the Imogen's spell backfires upon her increased ten folds. Flames engulf her, her skin bubbles and blackens and she drops silently to the floor... (from [[Rise of the Bandit]])//
 <WRAP clear></WRAP>
 <WRAP round todo column 30%>
-<del>[[#Revenge of the Sloth|Blind Herbert the Pervert]].</del>
+Impregnate the Banker's wife
 </WRAP>
 <WRAP round todo column 30%>
-Euthanize Einshem.
+Steal Kakeya's needle and lock him in this dimension
 </WRAP>
 ===== Oracle =====
 <WRAP round tip>
-Four of Hearts: A master calligrapher, who knows all the ancient forms of the character for 'sword'.
+Eight of Hearts: A haunted site, where the ghosts reenact their grisly murders.
 </WRAP>
-  * The calligrapher, in over his head - [[#Mr. Herbert Cornelius Belvedere]]
+  * The five ghosts, following [[#Leto]] and his book:
-  * A maker of ink, using unconventional and morally questionable components
+    * [[#Radekard]]
-  * A pygmy virgin filled with blood of th finest color - [[#N!xau Xi]]
+    * [[#Imogen O'connell]]
-  * A ghost who is the calligrapher's biggest and most important client
+    * [[#Aie Bwau]]
-  * The calligrapher's miser of a landlord - [[#Old Missus Chompy]]
+    * [[#Ng Mui]]
+    * [[#Bolo]]
+  * The owner of the site, trying to repurpose the accursed asset - [[#Iwan Steal]]
+  * The one who intends to release the ghosts - [[#Kakeya Soichi]]
 <WRAP round tip>
-Ace of Clubs: A team of martial artists, each specializing in a different school, and each sworn to be the one who slays their mutual foe.
+Six of Clubs: Self-serving aristocrats, angry at a mysterious thief who has been robbing them without a sound or trace.
 </WRAP>
-  * The team, all using esoteric animal wushu forms:
+  * The aristocrat in charge of their collective assets - [[#The Banker]]
-    * The Sloth - [[#The Sloth]]
+  * His trophy wife - [[#Delilah Corday]]
-    * The Kangaroo
+  * The aristocrat who helps the thief - [[#Iwan Steal]]
-    * The Ostrich
+  * The coachman who drives [[#The Banker]] and protects him - [[#Brotha the Coachman]]
-    * The Penguin - [[#Radekard]]
+  * An obsessive police detective - [[#Balashi]]
-  * Their mutual foe, who also - unknowingly - happens to be their father from separate mothers - [[#Big Daddy]]
+  * His hot shot inspector
-  * A detective specializing in finding missing persons, tasked with finding the common foe - [[#Kakeya Soichi]]
-  * A Martian artist who sculpts living organs - [[#Kakeya Soichi]]
 <WRAP round tip>
-Eight of Hearts: A haunted site, where the ghosts reenact their grisly murders.
+Four of Hearts: A master calligrapher, who knows all the ancient forms of the character for 'sword'.
 </WRAP>
-  * A powerful wizard, opposing whatever mischief is being served by the pining apparitions - [[#Einshem the Sorcerer]]
+  * The Calligrapher - [[Run of the Bandit#Mr. Herbert Cornelius Belvedere]]
-  * A voyeur, systematically enjoying the reenactments - [[#Mr. Herbert Cornelius Belvedere]]
+  * The Sword, mythical and intelligent
-  * The owner of the site, trying to get rid of the accursed asset - [[#Old Missus Chompy]]
+  * The Guardian of The Sword
-  * Ghosts, reenacting their grisly murders:
+  * The stonecutter who cut the stone The Sword is stuck in
-    * The Sloth's older brother, formerly member in a team of martial artists, now reenacting his own grisly murder - [[#Bolo]]
+  * A secret agent after the sword's secret - [[#Balashi]]
-    * [[#Imogen O'connell]]
-    * [[#Aie Bwau]]
+<WRAP round tip>
-    * [[#Ng Mui]]
+Eight of Spades: A delinquent son, unable to live up to his father's expectations.
+</WRAP>
+  * The father, who can turn into exotic animals - [[Run of the Bandit#Big Daddy]]
+  * The son, engaged in criminal activity while wearing an exotic animal costume - [[#The Sloth]]
+  * The son's fuck-buddy / therapist / ex au pair / ex lover of his father (possibly there is more than one character here)
+  * The grumpy old neighbour that used to shout at the son for stealing fruits from his trees back when he was a kid
@@ Line 78: / Line 83: @@
-==== Mr. Herbert Cornelius Belvedere ====
+==== Iwan Steal ====
-{{download.jpg?300 | mmmmm yesss, now push my button}}
+{{iwansteal.jpg?200 |no image yet}}
-A voyeur with a fetish of watching reenactments of grisly murders performed by the ghosts of the victims. Hey, everyone needs a hobby.
+Slimy and slippery, can get out of any situation.
 <WRAP column 20%>
-|cov|10|
+|cov|12|
-|dir|6|
+|dir|4|
-|slf|4|
+|slf|10|
-|oth|12|
+|oth|8|
-|lov|8|
+|lov|6|
 |vio|6|
 </WRAP>
-__Tsafoston__: For others, far reaching. Can rewind time for a few seconds, which helps him enjoy live porn more thoroughly.
+__Mine__: Covertly, doubly potent. Can remove *any* object from its owner, without the owner noticing.
 <WRAP clear></WRAP>
 <WRAP round todo column 30%>
-<del>Recruit as many magical creatures, esp. animal based ones, to his army of slave ghosts, and get them to do a huge reenact culminating in the long foretold [[#Dance of the Spirits|megagasm]].</del>
+Bankrupt the Banker and take over all his shit
 </WRAP>
 <WRAP round todo column 30%>
@@ Line 103: / Line 108: @@
 </WRAP>
-==== Big Daddy ====
-{{big_daddy.jpg?300 |Bigger than thou}}
+==== Kakeya Soichi ====
-An abusive zoophile metamorph parent.
+{{1352063290_samurai_ronin.gif?250|Want me to thread you another ass hole?}}
-<WRAP column 20%>
+A Celestial agent roaming the plains. Carries a strong artifact shaped as a needle.
-|cov|4|
-|dir|10|
-|slf|12|
-|oth|6|
-|lov|4|
-|vio|8|
-</WRAP>
-__Die Verwandlung__: For myself, far reaching. Can change the shape of his body, or parts thereof, into that of beasts both real and mythical.
+<WRAP column 15%>
-<WRAP clear></WRAP>
-<WRAP round todo column 30%>
-Track all his wayward sons, lock them up, assist them in developing their chimerical forms and open a bloody petting zoo.
-</WRAP>
-<WRAP round todo column 30%>
-<Motive>
-</WRAP>
-==== N!xau Xi ====
-{{thegodsmustbecrazy.jpeg?300 |Niggerus Parthenos}}
-A pigmy who has the favor of the gods on anything, besides getting some tail. He is small and virgin.
-<WRAP column 20%>
 |cov|4|
 |dir|6|
-|slf|12|
+|slf|10|
-|oth|8|
+|oth|12|
-|lov|10|
+|lov|8|
 |vio|6|
 </WRAP>
-__cocacan__: The gods occasionally drop stuff from above, exactly when and where he needs them.
+__Prick with a needle__: .//.. and Kakeya lets go of his needle which flies through the air, with the greatest of ease, and swiftly embroiders a map to the monastery of the Five Winds upon a strange looking scroll. (from [[run_of_the_bandit#big_daddy_strikes_a_deal]])//
 <WRAP clear></WRAP>
-<WRAP round todo column 30%>
+<WRAP round todo column 35%>
-Lose his virginity inside Leto (which, unbeknownst to him , will break Leto's vow of celibacy, revoking his status within the order and causing the loss of all his powers).
+Beings and artifacts from other domains should be returned from this earthly dimension. Including a certain book engraved on a certain [[#Leto|Bandit]].
 </WRAP>
-<WRAP round todo column 30%>
+<WRAP round todo column 35%>
-<del>[[#A Shapeshifter, a Pygmy and a Penguin|Sacrifice Radekard]] to his beloved gods.</del>
 </WRAP>
+<WRAP clear></WRAP>
-==== The Sloth ====
+==== The Banker ====
-{{sloth1.jpg?300 |Chilin' out in my fav suite}}
+{{mrburns.jpeg?200 |So the trophy wife is Smithers?}}
-H of sleep a day, that's the fix. Would be all day if everyone just leave him in peace, meddlesome brats.
+What you see is what you get.
 <WRAP column 20%>
-|cov|10|
+|cov| |
-|dir|4|
+|dir|10|
-|slf|6|
+|slf|12|
-|oth|12|
+|oth| |
-|lov|6|
+|lov| |
-|vio|8|
+|vio| |
 </WRAP>
-__The Slowness__: Covertly, potent. Through subconscious thought when in deep sleep can come up with the most elaborate plans and schemes that require the least amount of effort on his part. Worst part is to wake up and actually make it happen.
+__Release the Hounds__: Directly and doubly potent. Three highly trained attack dogs, eager for the kill.
 <WRAP clear></WRAP>
 <WRAP round todo column 30%>
-Find the homicidal taxidermist that killed and stuffed his older brother, and mix his parts with those of the trophy through am extremely long and painful process.
+Force Lord Iwan Steal to join his bank and rip him off.
 </WRAP>
 <WRAP round todo column 30%>
@@ Line 181: / Line 161: @@
-==== Radekard ====
+==== Brotha the Coachman ====
-{{kung_fu.jpg?300 |Ima gonna slapya widda fish}}
+{{cab-driver.jpg?200 |}}
-A few words about our Penguin.
+Quiet and dirty, the grease-monkey that gets shit done.
 <WRAP column 20%>
-|cov|8|
+|cov|0|
-|dir|6|
+|dir|8|
-|slf|8|
+|slf|12|
 |oth|4|
 |lov|6|
-|vio|12|
+|vio|6|
 </WRAP>
-__Fishslap__: With violence, consequential. Beats you up with fish. Painful AND humiliating. Smelly too.
+__Nitrous__: For myself. Doubly potent. He drives a mean machine.
 <WRAP clear></WRAP>
 <WRAP round todo column 30%>
-Chop up Bolo's murderer and use him in the making of a fine gefilte fish.
+Steal from the Banker
 </WRAP>
 <WRAP round todo column 30%>
@@ Line 207: / Line 187: @@
-==== Einshem the Sorcerer ====
+==== The Sloth ====
-{{matias-nibenai-sorcerer-king.jpg?200 |And so you're back, from outer space...}}
+{{sloth1.jpg?200 |Did not move since his last photo}}
-A mysterious being of ether and power, whose true nature is yet to be revealed, disguised as your run-of-the-mill evil wizard.
+H of sleep a day, that's the fix. Would be all day if everyone just leave him in peace, meddlesome brats. But the description should be updated to reflect all that's happened to him in the past years.
 <WRAP column 20%>
-|cov|6|
+|cov|10|
-|dir|12|
+|dir|4|
-|slf|10|
+|slf|6|
-|oth|6|
+|oth|12|
-|lov|4|
+|lov|6|
 |vio|8|
 </WRAP>
-__Nightcrawling__: Far Reaching, for himself. Can teleport over short distances.
+__The Slowness__: Covertly, potent. Through subconscious thought when in deep sleep can come up with the most elaborate plans and schemes that require the least amount of effort on his part. Worst part is to wake up and actually make it happen.
-__Dragon Breath__: Directly and broad for others.
+__Revelation__: Directly and doubly potent. Can get out of his suit.
 <WRAP clear></WRAP>
 <WRAP round todo column 30%>
-Reconstitute his long lost book from Leto's skin.
+Raze the entire area, crush it to dust and leave a radioactive wasteland behind.
 </WRAP>
 <WRAP round todo column 30%>
+<Motive>
 </WRAP>
@@ Line 237: / Line 218: @@
-==== Old Missus Chompy ====
+==== Radekard ====
-{{wizards-vs-aliens-annette-badland.jpg?300 |I'll just sit here in the magical light and suffer}}
+{{kung_fu.jpg?200 |Ima gonna slapya widda fish}}
-Bereaved passive aggressive mother to Einshem the Sorcerer, and legal owner of his former tower.
+A pissed off spirit.
 <WRAP column 20%>
-|act|6,4|
+|act|12,8|
 |man|10,6|
-|pro|12,8|
+|pro|6,4|
 </WRAP>
-__Polish Delight__: Broad maneuvering and protection. Hand on her poor, poor heart, face shocked, eyes rolled backwards, and a single sentence that makes you realize exactly how awful a son you are.
+__Fishslap__: With violence, consequential. Beats you up with fish. Painful AND humiliating. Smelly too.
 <WRAP clear></WRAP>
 <WRAP round todo column 30%>
-Poke Herbert's eyes out - to let the punishment fit the crime.
 </WRAP>
@@ Line 259: / Line 239: @@
 ==== Imogen O'connell ====
-{{fire_demoness_by_tkpanther-d7r0dyl.jpg?300 |Did that hurt?}}
+{{fire_demoness_by_tkpanther-d7r0dyl.jpg?200 |Did that hurt?}}
 A cruel demoness, slain by Leto's skulduggery.
@@ Line 279: / Line 259: @@
 ==== Aie Bwau ====
-{{largo_not_mine_by_unknownsquid.png?300 |Ergo...}}
+{{largo_not_mine_by_unknownsquid.png?200 |Ergo...}}
 A former promising student, murdered by his best friend, still dedicated to the pursuit of knowledge, albeit in a somewhat cynical way.
@@ Line 293: / Line 273: @@
 <WRAP clear></WRAP>
 <WRAP round todo column 30%>
-Defeat the Penguin and the Sloth in a fight to the death.
 </WRAP>
@@ Line 299: / Line 278: @@
 ==== Ng Mui ====
-{{snake_by_gabeszntx.jpg?300 |Not a monsssster...}}
+{{snake_by_gabeszntx.jpg?200 |Not a monsssster...}}
 A Sacred Serpent, slain by an overprotective dog in the late stages of her pregnancy, just as she was regaining her eyesight.
@@ Line 313: / Line 292: @@
 <WRAP clear></WRAP>
 <WRAP round todo column 30%>
-Arrange for N!xau's early demise by slow bleading, preferably on her alter.
 </WRAP>
@@ Line 319: / Line 297: @@
 ==== Bolo ====
-{{urouge.png?300 |Say matte...}}
+{{urouge.png?200 |Say matte...}}
 Big Daddy's first born, full brother to the Sloth and master of the northern megatherium style.
@@ Line 333: / Line 311: @@
 <WRAP clear></WRAP>
 <WRAP round todo column 30%>
-Get Big Daddy to marry his poor old mom and make a decent wombat out of her.
 </WRAP>
-==== Kakeya Soichi ====
+==== Delilah Corday ====
-{{adventures-of-zatoichi-artwork-e1400185320505.jpg?300 |My art and your body - they'll be purrrfect}}
+{{b_grande.jpg?200 |Call me Smithers}}
-A Celestial sculptor of flesh, tendon and bone, masquerading as a hard boiled blind bounty hunter, specializing in "X-files".
+The Banker's trophy wife, with aspirations of her own.
 <WRAP column 20%>
@@ Line 349: / Line 326: @@
 </WRAP>
-__The Art of Change__: Manipulation, consequential. Controls the growth of things, in rate and in form. The effect wears off after a while. Most of the time. //The man covered in penises gave me an evil look. They were sticking out in all directions, angles, sizes, hues and stages of stiffness. "Never get on a Celestial's bad side", he said. Or at least that's what I thought he said. After all, his mouth was kinda full.//
+__A Whiff__: Maneuver, potent and consequential. Make herself wanted.
 <WRAP clear></WRAP>
 <WRAP round todo column 30%>
-Destroy Einshem's tower and any other pieces of Celestial tech (like the book Leto stole) and return Einshem to his Celestial prison cell.
+Assassinate her husband.
 </WRAP>
-===== Scenes =====
+==== Balashi ====
+{{clint-eastwood.jpg?200 |Feeleth thou lucky, punk?}}
-==== An Anal Introduction ====
+A brilliant but rough detective, employed by highly unsavory organisations.
-In a wicked age, at the monastery of the Five Winds, in a chamber that is luxurious to the point of decadence, filled with gilded knickknacks and the overpowering scent of intoxicating incense, [[#Leto]], the loved head of the order of the Blameless Blade, is seated most comfortably; when an unexpected pygmy shows up at the door.
+<WRAP column 20%>
+|act|12,8|
+|man|10,6|
+|pro|6,4|
+</WRAP>
-The pygmy, one [[#N!xau Xi]], lights up with a smile of recognition when his eyes land on Leto. He has come a long way in search of Leto, and so he approaches his target nimbly, places his right hand on its chest and starts chattering in a foreign tongue full of clicks and sounds and signifying nothing.
+__Bad Cop__: Action, potent and consequential. Uses his brains to intimidate people out of their underwear.
-Leto is taken by surprise when his magical shield fails to kick in and zap the intruder. He is even more surprised when the stranger misinterprets his shocked expression for an inviting one, and with no further ado turns him around and bends him over with the impurest of intentions.
+<WRAP clear></WRAP>
+<WRAP round todo column 30%>
+Break up the clique of aristocrats, even if it sinks the whole area into abject poverty.
+</WRAP>
-Miraculously, the seem of Leto's pants - as if sensing the intrusive nature of N!xau's move - chooses that exact moment to pop and tear, leaving Leto exposed. Leto attempts to wiggle out of the way, but the stranger finds this little dance most appealing, and pulls a menacing manhood from his loincloth.
-At the last moment Leto manages to stop the assailant and escape with his honor intact. Sort of. He should be either wounded or exhausted, but since N!xau's player - having his plate somewhat full at work - neglects to decide which, he is merely very confused.
+===== Scenes =====
-==== Protecting the Pervert ====
-In the middle of the monastery, which is a model of Chinese architecture, stands out the haunted Gothic tower, formerly the workspace of [[#Einshem the Sorcerer|Einshem, the evil sorcerer]]. In the years since Einshem's disappearance, the tower has become a haunted site, full of ghosts, and was rented by [[#Old Missus Chompy|Einshem's dear old mother]] to one perverted calligrapher who goes by the name [[#Mr. Herbert Cornelius Belvedere]].
-It is in this room that Herbert is talking with [[#Radekard]], prominent member in a bizarre team of martial artists, all hell bent on revenge for [[#Bolo]], their fallen comrade. He was sent here by a hard boiled detective who told him that the spirit of said comrade, who was murdered in this very tower, still haunts the grounds, and may be able to point him at the murderer.
-The room is soiled and stained with papers, inks and god knows what, and when Radekard looks at some of the papers the characters seem to pop out and wiggle and give him an uncomfortable feeling. But he gets over it and tries to secure the cooperation of Herbert, the local expert on the subject of ghosts.
-Herbert agrees to help him, if Radekard helps him capture the strange pygmy that recently showed up and tried to violate the head of the order; and Radekard - hearing the ghostly voice of his dead teammate begging for help - almost agrees when a loud knock is heard at the door. It is the head of the order himself, demanding to know what is going on. Radekard prepares for battle by pullin a large fish from his backpack. Leto knocks again, threatening to open the door himself, if it is not unlocked and opened to the count of five. Then he counts to five, unlocks the door with his own private key and enters the room.
-"What are you doing to that poor woman with your fish?!" he demands. "Madam, please step behind me and I shall protect you". Radekard seems surprised - "fish is food", he explains, "and lady is a man". But Leto will have none of that, and demands that Radekard holds his business away from the haunted room. So Radekard waves the fish over his head and smacks Leto upside the head.
-Leto hits the ground confused, scales in his eyes and a fresh bouquet in his nose. He gets up and starts to run, but is so confused that he hits the wall instead. Radekard, never one to leave a job unfinished, comes behind him and starts bashing his head into the wall, but Leto's magical shield zaps him hard and he drops to the floor.
-"That was very nice", Leto exclaims, helping Radekard up. "I will be very happy to discuss fighting techniques with you, or anything else that interests you. But it can't be here. Come, surely there is another path to wherever it is you need to get to".
-This all makes a lot of sense to the shocked Radekard, and the two new friends walk out together, leaving Herbert the Pervert to pick up his dropped jaw and have a little wank over his lost penguin.
-==== Big Daddy Strikes a Deal ====
-On a full moon, several weeks earlier, at the mouth of a wicked looking cave, stands the celestial [[#Kakeya Soichi]], assuming the guise of a hard boiled samurai detective. He is cleaning his teeth with a sharp steel needle that sparkles in the pale moonlight. A growl is heard from within the cave, and a huge beast of a wolf comes slowly outside, baring its fangs. Then the wolf [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Metamorphosis|verwandlungs]] into the familiar shape of [[#Big Daddy]], a tiny bald man with a silly scar on his face.
-"You", Big Daddy grumbles in a high pitched voice. "What do you want with me?"
-"Merely to warn you, Big Daddy", replies the silver tongued stranger. "The fruit of your loins is after you, seeking revenge for the one you have slain. They do not know who you really are. Yet. They came to me for help, and I sent them... Somewhere..."
-"Tell me where".
-"I will. But I require something done, at that place. There are things there. Things from higher up. Things that should not be there. Amongst those things is a book. You bring the book to me. Everything else, you destroy. Agree to these terms, and I will show you the way. And since I know you to be an egocentric scumbag - no moral judgment intended - let me stress that our deal will be a very binding one".
-"No offense taken. What happens if I fail?"
-"Then I shall do unto your flesh that which egocentric scumbags fear. A lot".
-Big Daddy quickly accepts, and Kakeya lets go of his needle which flies through the air, with the greatest of ease, and swiftly embroiders a map to the monastery of the Five Winds upon a strange looking scroll.
-==== Back to the Murder Scene ====
-Down at the ground level of the monastery, at the entrance to Einshem's haunted tower, stands Radekard, waiting for Leto who went away to grab a bowl of soup, when in walks another member of the team, [[#The Sloth]], and greets him warmly. Radekard tells the Sloth of the haunted room, and of Herbert's betrayal, and about the spirit of Bolo (who happens to be the Sloth's older brother), and the two make their way back to the accursed room.
-Near its entrance, amidst the refuse from the calligrapher's work, Radekard spots a strange sewn map which smells slightly familiar, but he refuses to get distracted and the duo enters the room.
-The Sloth looks around at the litter - both physical and spiritual - that covers the room, and shouts out loud for his long lost brother. He starts hearing his brother answering, calling him "Slootka" and begging for help, when the sound dies and the ghost of [[#Aie Bwau]] steps in, seemingly from the solid wall.
-Aie is rather genial, explaining that while he is subordinate to the evil spiritualist who works in this room, he is also in charge of the other ghosts, and is quite capable of summoning Bolo and allowing a conversation between him and his teammates, which he will gladly do right after the two newcomers fight him to the death. They are both supernatural creatures, he explains, and having them die here by his hands will make them his minions, which might help him overthrow his morally objectionable master.
-The Sloth, swift of thought as always, replies with a counter offer. He is willing to wait here, in this room, with his fighting companion, till said master returns. And then get rid of him the old fashioned way, by killing him dead. Aie agrees to the deal. Radekard sharpens his fish and the Sloth starts to booby trap the room.
-It does not take the Sloth long to recognize that this room has some existing and exquisitely subtle booby traps already installed, but while trying to identify and understand them he accidentally triggers what he considers to be a horrible deathtrap. So he shouts for Radekard to get away, and Radekard immediately steps back, only to stumble against a raised floorboard and hurt his pride rather badly.
-Other than that, nothing deathtrappy happens, and the Sloth realizes he has been outmaneuvered on  so many levels that he immediately decides to find whoever set this shit up and become his apprentice. To which Aie Bwau smiles a wry smile.
-==== Sloth vs. Leto ====
-A short while later, Leto - having had his bowl of soup - bursts into the same room, and as soon as he does, a bucket full of filth flips over his head, filling him with rubbish and scum. Leto removes the bucket from his head and surveys the room. With the Sloth is napping in the shadows, Herbert watching from a hiding place and preparing for the show, and the ghost all being invisible, Leto only sees Radekard. And the filth that's evaporating from his magical armor gives him a fuming look.
-"Didn't we say that we are going to stay out of this damned room?", he shouts and walks towards Radekard, grabbing him by the throat with one hand and pinning him to the wall. "Didn't we say that after the soup we are gonna meet downstairs? Oh, yes we did. Yes we did indeed". And then he raises his free arm and tries to decapitate Radekard on the spot, leaving his ghost to rot for eternity in this very room.
-But as he raises that arm a whole host of gadgets are set in motion around the room. Wires go taught, weights release, spindles spin, and a loud crack is heard when Leto's humerus is shattered in three different places.
-==== Penguin vs. Leto ====
-Exhausted and annoyed, Leto scrambles and bolts out of the room. Radekard and the Sloth exchange a quick look, and reach immediate agreement. Sloth stays in the room, keeping his promise to Aie Bwau, while Radekard gives chase.
-Leto, being prepared for such occasions after the events of the previous chapter, runs straight into a specially prepared room, and as soon as Radekard follows a big metal cage falls on him from the ceiling. He manages to avoid the trap with inhuman agility and smack Leto with his drawn out fish, but Leto's armor fries the fish, making it far less useful as a weapon.
-Then Leto starts mumbling an ancient incantation, causing the cage to move, hit Radekard, knock him to the floor and then scoop him up and rise into the air; at which point Radekard gives the cage a good shake, breaking it free from Leto's dark magic and dropping it - self included - over Leto's poor head.
-Exhausted, defeated and humiliated in his own monastery, Leto bravely runs away. Straight back to the haunted room.
-==== Leto Manipulates the Sloth ====
-When Leto gets back to the room, he finds the Sloth taking a well deserved nap. He also notices a horizontal crack in the wall, running along the ceiling. He approaches and tries to slap the Sloth awake, but the Sloth turns over in his sleep and Leto misses. Leto tries again, and again, and again, and each time the Sloth evades without even waking up. Eventually he takes a few steps back, gets a good running start and tries to kick the Sloth in the face - at which point the Sloth, still asleep, slaps the floor with both hands and rises in the air, sticking his claws in the ceiling. Unfortunately, a portion of the ceiling crumbles and falls down, along with the Sloth who wakes up to find his claws trapped in the rubble.
-It is interesting to note that off-character, Leto's player agreed to spare the Sloth from any harm in return for him attacking Herbert when he finally shows up, and that had he bothered to read these notes he would have known that the Sloth has already made the same promise to Aie Bwau's spirit in [[#Back to the Murder Scene|an earlier scene]].
-==== Perverted Sloth Bondage ====
-Just as this is happening, little N!xau - who is searching for Leto in the hope of a brief explanation followed by hot make-up sex - reaches the other side of the door, where Herbert the pervert is expectantly peeking in. He lays a hand on Herbert and starts clicking excitedly, and somehow it seems that Herbert understands the gist of his clicks. "Let me show you something neat", Herbert says, and opens the door while speaking his words of magic.
-A blur hits the room. Everyone in it are confused. The Sloth is wearing a bride's dress over his sloth suit; N!xau is wearing a groom's suit that's way too long for his diminutive size; and Leto is wearing the rich silks of a priest, ready to wed the two under an improvised Chuppah.
-Leto takes the easy way out and faints. N!xau is fascinated with his fine new cloths and waits eagerly to see what the gods have in store for him. But the Sloth will have none of this, and he pulls free and activates a trap that drops the rusty chandelier from the ceiling in the general direction of Herbert's left eye.
-Unfortunately for the Sloth, Herbert has spent an exorbitant amount of time watching great wushu masters, both alive and dead, and he easily evades the falling chandelier. Then he grabs the Sloth's wedding veil and pulls it around him and under him and between his feet and over his neck. Then he gives a good pull which pushes the Sloth's face painfully towards his own crotch, forces his ring finger to extend forward and gives him a mega-wedding-wedgy to remember, all at the same time. Then Herbert ties the helpless Sloth to one of the Chuppah poles, gives N!xau a meaningful wink and intones: "and now for my final trick!"
-==== The Return of the Einshem ====
-To those who follow such things, it is a mildly special date. Astronomically speaking. As Uranus is passing across the constellation of the Sinister Testicle, the planets align in a way that repeats about once a decade, and is considered - again, by those who follow such things - to be ominous. It is thus entirely possible that for them, the return of an immortal sorcerer who vanished from this very spot about a decade ago will come as little surprise. Such is not the case for the characters currently in the room.
-The first thing that happens after Herbert snaps his fingers, is that the crack in the wall widens preceptively. At one point it widens enough to expose the blue skies behind it, quickly darkening with nightfall and storm clouds. And then the unthinkable happens: spacetime folds and unfolds unto itself, like a forty dimensional Rubik's cube, and when it is done, Leto and N!xau (both still in their ceremonial attire) are rotated out of the room, to gods and demons know where, and in their stead appears the fearsome shape of a 2.5 meter tall dragon dude (being Einshem's celestial form) who looks around him in disgust and bellows: what the fuck has been going on in here?
-The enraged Einshem does not wait for an answer. Instead, he grabs the Sloth with his prehensile tail, wedding gown and all, and starts choking the life out of him while spewing forth from his mouth a fountain of fire.
-All the scrolls and the ink and the biological waste in the room burns to a crisp within seconds, but Herbert manages to dodge the flames, pull a box of pepper he always carries with him and stuff it into Einshem's face just as he is taking that deep breath which dragons always take after a good fiery exhalation.
-Then Herbert, who is sick and tired of having his shows interrupted, grabs an extra veil from somewhere and mumbles his magic word. A strange ripple travels in time, short-circuiting twice around Einshem's space-warp and once under it, as the veil is nimbly wrapped around the dragon dude and ties him to another of the Chuppah's poles.
-"Now you better two stay put", he exclaims. "Daddy's got his work cut out for him".
-To those who follow such things, the multitude of knots and ties around Einshem are anything but random. They are masterfully engineered in such a fashion that the right pull will force the dragon's jaws open while simultaneously applying pressure to his diaphragm, producing a nice little flame out of its mouth. Useful when one needs to light the fireplace. Or an opium pipe.
-==== A Shapeshifter, a Pygmy and a Penguin ====
-Outside the monastery of the Five Winds stands an extremely small man named Big Daddy. Smaller even that N!xau, who miraculously materializes not far from him, wearing fine silks and accompanied by the slumbering figure of Leto. Big Daddy looks in growing curiosity as Leto wakes up and bolts back into the monastery, and as two additional pygmies show up and start clicking nervously at N!xau, before spreading out and disappearing into the vegetation like a well trained team of hunters.
-N!xau raises his head and notes, in the dying light of the setting sun, a shroud of clouds that's circling the top of the Gothic tower in a supernatural formation and a confused Radekard stepping out of the monastery, just barely missing Leto on his way in.
-Radekard tells Big Daddy that he is seeking revenge for a fallen comrade who was murdered in this very place by a villain named Big Daddy. Big Daddy says he knows the guy, and even offers to take Radekard to him in his carriage, not far, which turns out to be a cage on wheels. Big Daddy then continues to hint that the pygmy is Big Daddy, and that he will take the two of them to a place where Big Daddy's magic does not work if Radekard only steps in the cage.
-When Radekard fails to fall for this obvious ruse, and even grows somewhat violent (at one point fishslapping the pygmy for clicking too much), Big Daddy transforms into a giant she-bear and pushes him into the cage, where N!xau quickly tries to slit his throat through the bars and sacrifice him to his gods.
+==== The Sloth fails to rob the Banker ====
-Radekard avoids the stab and rushes the cage's door, suffering a mild concussion but stopping Big Daddy from locking it behind him. Big Daddy turns into a giant squid (or a dwarf kraken), wraps himself around the cage's door and sends a tentacle to restrain N!xau from killing his victim. N!xau, who never saw such a beast, barely dodges the tentacle, but Radekard, being most familiar with seafood, grabs the squid's sensitive head and pulls it violently through the bars, where he proceeds to use it as a punching bag.
+In a wicked age, at the Banker's gilded home, a party is being prepared in honor of [[#Leto]], the prodigal son returning from his monastic education on the other side of the continent. The air is thick with scents of foods, perfumes and incense, with a slight but pronounced undercurrent of dog shit.
-From the ground, N!xau notices that all the banging has unhinged one of the cage's wheels. He gives thanks to the gods and a good kick to the wheel, all while while diving out of the way as the cage tumbles and rolls over its door, trapping Radekard inside it and Big Daddy (still in Cephalopodan form) under it. Big Daddy metamorphoses into a big black minotaur and gets out of under the cage, but not before N!xau's blade finds Radekard's carotid artery and slices it wide open.
+As the Banker descends into the vaults, as he does every day, he can't help but notice a sloth-suited burglar in the process of cracking his safe, and immediately releases the hounds. [[#The Sloth]] has prepared booby traps that rope the dogs and stop them from harming him, but the Banker cuts the ropes, subdues the thief and ties him up at the entrance to his house, as a warning to future robbers who are very soon to come.
-==== Revenge of the Sloth ====
+==== Overheard at the party ====
-Radekard's spirit, newly freed of its mortal coil and bound, instead, to the haunted tower, appears before the astonished eyes of Herbert and his two captive creatures holding a morbid fishbone. "I can't believe that little fucker killed me", he says, and proceeds to untie his teammate.
+A few hours later, when the party is in full swing, [[#Kakeya Soichi]] is talking to his hostess, the slightly drunk [[#Delilah Corday]], who complains about the missing aristocrat who is giving her husband such a hard time, and about her husband being too busy to give her a hard something else. Kakeya offers his assistance, and the two pencil in a tryst.
-But the Sloth declines his assistance. He has previously cried a few hard earned tears into a tiny crack in the floor, and as the temperature drops from the combined effect of nightfall and the presence of ghosts, the tears freeze and expand the crack, which connects to a larger crack which connects to the main crack which yawns and drops the entire flooring, dumping all the people and creatures in the room to the storey below.
+Kakeya then approaches Leto, the guest of honor, and tells him he has heard that Leto is interested in fertilization. Leto points at Delilah and says she is already in his pocket, but Kakeya explains he was referring to plants, and continues to demonstrate his powers in that field by magically causing a small potted plant to bloom and grow and become a small tree in a matter of seconds. Leto immediately steals the plant along with its pot and the two pencil in a work meeting.
-A brick lands on Einshem's head, knocking him out, but Herbert uses his magic to retroactively prepare the room below and make sure the Sloth lands with his face to the floor, instead of with his finger to Herbert's eye as was originally planned. Radekard's spirit, however, is less impressed. He lands gently to the ground right behind Herbert and tries to wrap the fishbone around his head, stabbing both his eyes out with the sharp bones. Herbert just barely manages to move his head, and Radekard satisfies himself with wrapping the fishbone around his throat and choking him till he passes out.
-The Sloth picks himself from the floor, ties Herbert on one of the poles, body parallel to the ground, one finger embedded deep within an emptied eye socket and the other deep inside his nose (thus teaching him a lesson and keeping his double-booked promise to Leto and Aie). By way of a flourish he then exposes Herbert's butt. One never knows when a well intentioned pygmy may stumble on to the scene.
+==== Brotha fails to rob the Banker ====
-After a short discussion with Radekard's spirit, and having fulfilled his double promise, the Sloth heads out of the room - with all the speed he can muster - to find one walking dead pygmy. The pygmy, on his own side, takes the thunder and lightning and banging and screaming as an obvious sign that the gods are content with his sacrifice, and thus sits down with his friends to feast on penguin meat, before going up the tower to find his destiny. Big Daddy, full of trust in N!xau's ability to find interesting things, follows him along.
+Just about then, a big carriage breaks through the wall of the feasting hall. And while everyone are distracted, [[#Brotha the Coachman]], carrying a heavy rope, sneaks into the vaults. He attaches one end of the rope to the safe, while the other is attached to another pimped up carriage that should be able to pull it out of the wall.
+The Banker, however, who installed further alarms since the incident with the Sloth, stops talking to Leto, sics the hounds and cuts the tight rope, which backlashes and hits Brotha in the face. Leto wishes to go with him to the safe, but the Banker shuts the door in his face and locks it from the inside, preparing to watch his dogs tear the robber into bits.
-==== The Pervert Prevails ====
+Leto is unhappy with this, so he crashes the door with a dim-mak, which the exhausted Brotha promptly uses to escape. The angry Banker sics his dogs at Leto, and while Leto himself manages to bolt and run away, the dogs tear pieces of his magical armor away, and all the pages peal away and fall to the ground.
-After escaping the loving arms of a pygmy, Leto tears of the pervert's costume and heads back to haunted room. Being swift of foot, he makes it back almost as soon as the Sloth leaves it, but since they are no longer on the same storey of the building, he almost falls through the collapsed floor.
+The Banker collects the fallen leaves and places them in his vault.
-Noticing a crumpled scroll floating magically at the old floor level, emitting the occasional small lightning bolt through the ruined ceiling to the cloud overhead, he takes a running jump and grabs and hangs onto the scroll, which refuses to budge. As he hangs there, Herbert, contorts his head and spits an enormous amount of phlegm all the way to the scroll, causing tiny sparks to shoot between it and Leto's hand.
-Leto lets go of the scroll, drops down, picks up a long strip of scroll-binding silk and start wrapping it around Herbert at a tremendous speed, mummy-wrapping and suffocating the poor pervert, who quickly uses his magic to alter recent history and decorate the strip of silk with a detailed, long and visceral illustrated description of himself violating Leto's sister from every orifice and angle known to man or ghost. And as soon as this new turn of events gives Leto the slightest pause, Herbert takes advantage of it and swiftly elbows Leto in the throat.
+==== Lord Steal's betrayal ====
-As Leto drops to the floor, Einshem tries to breath fire at Herbert, but the previously mentioned well placed effluence of phlegm (and the devil knows what other biofluids) chooses that exact moment to drop from the scroll and glue Einshem's eyes shut. At which point Herbert gets out of his bondage like it ain't no thing and proceeds to execute advanced eye surgery on his two victims, plucking all four of their eyes out and putting them back in the wrong sockets - obviously as preparation for some perverted magical rite.
+On a fine afternoon, Lord Iwan Steal pays the Banker a visit. On his way in he encounters the Sloth, still tied to the fence, who is able through his bondage to offer a calling card. After a prolonged negotiation Steal agrees to transfer half his treasury to the Baner's care, with the  sole condition of being shown the Banker's security measures, including a visit to the vault.
+And so it is that a couple of days later Steal arrives with a wagon (driven by no other than a poorly disguised Brota) to unload said treasury into said vault, but as the doors open the Sloth shows up and emerges from his suit, all white and angelic and bloody fast moving. However, the divine music that almost seems to accompany this revelation comes to an abrupt stop when the Banker's hounds show up, tackle him to the ground and drag him through the mud.
-==== Dance of the Spirits ====
+Brotha takes matters into his own hands and crashes his wagon into the house. He suffers internal injuries and just barely manages to run away. On foot. The Sloth uses the diversion to slip away from the dogs and run into the house, and supposedly into the vault, but something - presumably related to Leto's (previously Einshem's) book - shoots him out of the front door, throwing him straight back to the dogs, who missed him dearly.
-Above Herbert's head, at the level of the scroll where the floor used to be, the five spirits of five murder victims begin reenacting their murders. They do so in the finest of forms, carefully adhering to the strict standards of Wuxia theatre - displaying [[the Five Fundamental Forms of Murder and Sacrifice]].
+Lord Steal, in a last ditch attempt to save the situation, runs to the crashed wagon and pulls out a bomb he prepared. It was originally meant to help him crack the safe, should the need arise, but now he just picks it up and throws it at the Banker. And misses.
-Einshem, who has more than a clue to what is about to take place, vanishes into a puff of powder, but Leto continues to see through his eyes when he shows up back in his home dimension, where he has to answer to [[#Kakeya Soichi|his needle wielding fellow celestial]].
+To appease the Banker, Steal claims the whole thing was only a test, and agrees to transfer the entirety of his treasury to the Banker's care. The Banker agrees, calls off his dogs and hands the Sloth his suit, but not before he snaps the suit's claws.
-Leto shakes his head, ignores what he sees, and starts whispering the wickedest spell in Einshem's book, the one that directs the wrath of the dancing spirits against the souls of the living. And then he runs away. Real fast.
+The moral of the story, in case you've wondered, is that teamwork doesn't work without coordination, and that players are crazy motherfuckers.
-Bolo is forced to attack his own kid brother, the Sloth, who finds himself unable to defend against a loved one. Ng Mui, the blind albino serpent, is sent to attack the one-eyed Herbert and de-eye him further still. Bib Daddy manages to turn into a cheetah and give chase, but he is stopped by the angry spirit of Radekard, the son he murdered just two scenes ago.
-Amidst the mayhem, N!xau is silent as a rock. He sees the voluptuous spirit of Imogen approaching him. He sees the cracks in the walls. He feels the shudder in the floor as the foundations of the tower surrender. And just before the entire place collapses into rubble he smiles in affirmation.
+==== The Fall of the House of Banker ====
-For his eyes have witnessed the glory of the gods, and yeah, they must be fucking crazy.
 ===== Previous Chapters =====
   - [[Rise of the Bandit]]
+  - [[Run of the Bandit]]
   - [[Fall of the Bandit]]
@@ Line 544: / Line 409: @@
 ===== Owe List  =====
-  * Leto
   * N!xau
+  * The Sloth

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