Funniest Nightwatch Review

Here’s dorable on Nightwatch:

I had read reviews saying that Night Watch immitates every Hollywood SF/fantasy movie ever made, and it does. I had also read that the movie is blatantly un-Hollywood in essence, and it is. But mostly, it’s just a huge campy mess. The script, the dialogue, the editing — it’s all overdone and rushed and confused, which is also why you won’t be bored in this movie: you’ll keep busy trying to figure out what’s going on.

No, forget about what’s going on; it’s hard enough to figure out which character you’re looking at, what with the dark lighting and non-distinctive (non-Hollywood) faces. No, forget that, too: it’s hard enough to figure out who’s looking at whom or who’s opening which door, because the hilariously over-enthusiastic camerawork and effects do not stop for a single second. Protagonist goes to the kitchen — zoom through keyhole! Protagonist opens the fridge — bullet-time! Protagonist says “da” — quick zoom in, quick zoom out, bullet-time, echo effect and x-ray vision! No wonder everyone looks so haggard in this movie; I’d be a bit tired too if every time I peed I had to worry about rogue cameras flying into my urethra.