Safat HaAvaddim

Chris Sim’s Invincible Super-blog is a celebration of the awesome daftness of comic books, in particular the awesome of superheroes punching each other in the face.

Earlier this month, he ran a two-part retrospective on the appearances of Conan in the pages of Marvel’s What If…? series, which features alternate realities based on such burning questions as What If… Spider-Man’s Uncle Ben had Lived? (that’s actually a good one, but the majority are, as Chris points out, rather lame). However, this lameness is not an issue here, Because the answer to pretty much any question that starts with “What if Conan…” is always the same: somebody would get their ass kicked.

In the second part, Chris survey’s Conan’s visit to the 20th century, and gives you the pleasure of seeing Conan tossing a Volkswagen and wearing a pimp suit, but in the first part, where he discusses Conan fighting Thor and (later) Wolverine in the Hyborian Age, I noticed this panel of Conan’s arch-enemy, the Stygian wizard Thoth-Amon, chanting over Thor’s hammer.

Chris describes it as everyone’s favorite Hyborian necromancer, Thoth-Amon, seen here wearing what appears to be Loki’s headgear and talking nonsense, but of course, it’s not nonsense, it’s Hebrew: בואי ברק, מן השמיים – “come lightning, from the sky”.

Hmm. I tried to check who the writer of that issue (What If…? #39) was. According to the site (in Turkish?), it was Alan Zelenetz. According to Wikipedia (or probably IMDB), Zelenetz was the “Judaica advisor” to the movie Pi, so he probably knows Hebrew.

Now, Thoth-Amon is a Stygian wizard, and Stygia in Conan’s Hyborian age is the ancient evil version of ancient Egypt. So basically, Thoth-Amon is speaking Safat HaAvaddim, The language of the slaves as it’s called in the Mummy:
From The Mummy screenplay:

Imhotep moves forward, his one hand trying to stop the molten
mummy guts from oozing out of the large shotgun hole in his
side. Beni drops his gun and grabs at the CHAINS around his
neck, RELIGIOUS SYMBOLS AND ICONS dangle from each chain.
Beni holds the first one up: A CHRISTIAN CRUCIFIX. He quickly
makes the sign of-the cross and blesses himself in English:

BENI
May the good Lord protect and watch
over me as a shepherd watches over
his flock. And may Satan in all his
forms be vanquished forever.

It has no effect on Imhotep, who continues forward. Beni
quickly grabs at the other symbols and icons, holding them
out towards Imhotep, one after the other, trying to slow his
progress: an Islamic Sword and Crescent Moon necklace; a
Hindu Brahma medallion; a small Buddhist Bodhisattva statue.

All while blessing himself in Arabic, Hindi, Chinese and
Latin. Nothing works. Imhotep’s skeletal hand reaches for
Beni’s throat. Tears run down Beni’s cheeks he’s so freaked.

And that’s when he holds up THE STAR OF DAVID and blesses
himself in HEBREW. Imhotep stops in his tracks. His hand
lowers. His grotesque new eyeballs stare at Beni.

IMHOTEP
(subtitled)
The language of the slaves.

Looks at him quizzically. Imhotep takes a step back.

IMHOTEP
(in Hebrew — subtitled)
I may have use for you. And the
rewards will be great.