Categories
Blather

Tyranny of the grid


I knew it was time to pull this off my reading list when I found myself actually saying, while walking and talking, “I feel like I’m in a Cat and Girl comic, and there are still too many panels until the end”.

Categories
Blather

Gazing into the abyss of one’s navel

My living room, although small, has the look of a ritual place to it: dark curtains towards the balcony, tottering bookshelves on both sides with books of lore, two sofas facing each other across a low table with a large candle upon it, and a fucking stag’s head mounted in the center of the wall above one of those sofas. So I decided to use it for a ritual, the long-delayed “talking to myself” thing that G. suggested (and the delaying of which she has adopted as a casus belli for sanctions).

Came back from my walk, lowered the shutters on the windows, took off my clothes (because, sweaty after walk and because, ritual), turned off all the lights, lit the candle, put my self portrait to my left and a mirror to my right, and spent two hours talking to myself. After two minutes I decided to put on some music, so I could speak louder than a whisper (the walls are paper thin here).

Despite all the LARPing, I think it turned out to be a bit of dismayingly pedestrian self-analysis. I’ve been seeing a psychologist for a couple of years now (for a while it was the only non-work social interaction of my week, besides game and family dinner), and I’ve gone over my self-loathing numerous times until it is hard for me not to dissect it using cut-rate cliches. Any observations I made about myself seemed very obvious in light of the last three days. Although I did notice that “uncle” is a stronger self-excoriation than “schmuck”.

There are benefits to speaking aloud, as opposed to writing (speed of thought and expression change the way you come across – thinking is different from speaking which is different from writing. I guess this is true even if I’m talking aloud in my head or composing an imaginary blog post in my mind). There are also benefits to talking to myself – I am more free to blabber nonsense and don’t lapse into silence as I would with someone else as my audience, because the critical circuitry is disabled. And finally, there’s also a point in setting aside time to do this, as opposed to fitting it in during a walk or drive or whatever, because it’s harder to avoid the introspection.

Not sure about the mirror, though. I started out berating myself and calling myself names and staring at the unflattered parts of my anatomy, but as I kept looking at my reflection I liked myself more and more. I’m sorta fond of that guy in the mirror, even if he is a pompous ass. But that isn’t the person behind my eyes; that’s not how I look like in my mind, and that’s not the dude I dislike. Maybe next time I should just stare into the candle flame or something.

Or maybe this really calls for mescaline.

Categories
Blather

Self Portrait


self-final.jpg by you.

I’m taking an introductory drawing course with the Countess’ old teacher, Smadar Katz. Probably because I already know how to get there.

Some more here.

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Categories
Blather Comics

Lost in Tel-Aviv in the Cinematheque, 13.08.2008

Lost in Tel-Aviv
Lost in Tel-Aviv will be screened at the Tel-Aviv Cinematheque next Wednesday, the 14th of August 2008 at 22:45, as part of the Animation, Comics and Caricature Festival. See also the events table here (the programme says Wedensday, the 14th, which can’t be right – but that isn’t the only error there).

If you are averse to seeing it on the big screen or being seen in public, you can see the whole movie here.

Categories
Blather Oddities

Using your browser URL history to estimate gender

Using your browser URL history to estimate gender – A widget that compares your browser history to the male/female ratios reported for 10 thousand “top” sites and makes a prediction of your gender. I got 60% female, probably because I just looked at Livejournal and Facebook. [via LMG].